A therapist's perspective: What your therapist really thinks.
A therapist's perspective: What your therapist really thinks.
Going to therapy is something that most people anticipate with a fair bit of anxiety.
It makes complete sense – talking to a stranger about issues that are painful and make you feel deeply vulnerable is certainly not something that appeals to most of us.
Apart from worrying about how you might cope with discussing matters that are deeply personal and emotionally difficult, you might also be worried about what this stranger – your therapist – will think of you. Again, that is completely understandable and completely normal.
I would like to offer you an insider’s view of a therapist’s mind – my mind in this case – and hope that by dispelling some common misconceptions, it would take away some of your anxiety and make you feel a bit more confident engaging in the therapy process.
Misconception 1: My therapist will think that I am a terrible person
Often the very things that make us seek therapy, are things that are causing us to feel a lot of shame and guilt. These are things about ourselves that we haven’t shared with many people or haven’t shared at all because we fear that we would be judged. Of course you might experience that same fear when you are sitting across from a therapist, but it might help to know that your therapist’s only interest is to understand you, your challenges and helping you to overcome it.
As therapists, we know that part of being human means that you are not always perfect, that messing up is inevitable. Therapists also know that there are always reasons for why we think and behave in certain ways and that there is no such thing as an inherently bad person.
Your therapist is much more likely to see you as someone who is showing great courage and tenacity, and respect you for your willingness to be vulnerable in order to develop and grow as a person.
Misconception 2: I don’t really know what the problem is or where to start, and this will surely annoy my therapist.
It is very common for clients to arrive at their first therapy session and not be able to articulate exactly why they have come. As therapists, we understand that sometimes, the reasons that have brought you to therapy can feel so complex and overwhelming that it is incredibly difficult to pinpoint exactly what the ‘real problem’ is or where you should start.
We will not be annoyed. Instead, we will help you untangle what’s been going on for you and together we will find clarity and clear objectives for therapy.
Misconception 3: My therapist will feel that I am wasting their time because my issues are quite small and insignificant
Therapists tend to agree that there is no such thing as an issue that is too small. What might seem insignificant to the world, can feel like a pretty big deal to you.
Are you are dealing with something from the past? Experiencing something that is currently impacting your life or that you are worried might impact your life further along the line?
No matter how big or small, if you have taken the steps to come to therapy, then be assured that this will be treated with as much importance and respect as any other issue.
Misconception 4: As someone who has it all figured out, my therapist will think I’m weak and pathetic.
Definitely not true. There is a misconception that therapists live emotionally perfect lives and have it all figured out all of the time. Nice idea, but the reality is that therapists are human and like everyone else are not exempt from life’s trials and tribulations. It is exactly because they are human and know what it is like to experience pain, disappointment, shame and other difficult emotions, that they are able to relate and have a deep empathy for you.
Through their training and possibly their own psychotherapy, therapists learn to be emotionally aware of themselves, so that their emotional experiences do not interfere with their effectiveness as a therapist.
Misconception 5: Therapists only pretend to care, because it’s their job
It’s difficult to imagine that someone who is not a friend or a relative, can deeply care about you, but that is one of the unique features of the therapy relationship. It’s an honour and a privilege to sit with someone and hear them share their deeply personal and vulnerable stories. Being allowed into their inner world creates a sense of intimacy that makes it impossible not to care for them.
I often find myself thinking about clients between sessions, or wondering how they are doing long after therapy has ended.
So, no, having empathy for our clients is not some sort of act – we truly, deeply care for them.
Having a little more insight into how a therapist might think and feel about the therapy process, will hopefully make taking that first step a little less intimidating. I hope that you will find that safe space where you can focus on your growth and wellbeing, while feeling cared for, supported and unconditionally accepted.
Written by Lineé van der Meer - Clinical Psychologist and Co-Founder of Moving On.
